I grew up in a Christian home where my mom was intentional to teach us the bible; I remember making a personal decision to follow Jesus when I was 13.
It wasn’t until I was 23 in the middle of a mission year where I was teaching and discipling university students that God used a book by Charles Ryrie on Basic Theology to open my eyes to what Salvation truly meant.
Before then, I lived like I had everything to do with my salvation by living a “perfect” life. I didn’t get into trouble with my parents, got good grades and was basically good and so I felt like I was truly saved. What was unknown to me at that point is how at the very core of our nature, we are `wicked and corrupt and unable to be pleasing to God; even though I was outwardly good and had made a profession of faith; I was proud, high minded, manipulative, selfish, legalistic, joyless and had no real appreciation for the cross.
My inner attitudes were just as sinful before God and yet only Jesus’ righteousness was acceptable before God.
When I understood how desperately evil I was both inside and out, I begged God to save me and change me and I fully rested in Jesus sacrifice on my behalf
What I remember changing about my life after this time was that I was flooded with Joy in my heart like I have never known and I have since then lived like the most important thing in my life is the cross; I am nothing without Jesus.
I was always afraid to fail because I thought it meant I was less than acceptable to God since It would mean I had failed in my performance but with the knowledge that I am desperately sinful and yet fully loved and accepted by God because of Christ. It has freed me to see weakness as a mercy to remind me of my need of God; I have since then been more quick to repent of my inner wicked attitudes unseen by others before God.
Most of my wickedness was internal and yet those around me applauded by good actions; I have learned that God is interested in changing us to be like Jesus and it means I agree with Him that I am a sinner in need of a savior.
I have known such deep joy and freedom and true happiness that my identity is not what I do but to whom I belong. I pray that God would use my life to point others to himself.
To God be the glory! Great things he has done!